size 24 (290 lbs)

I have gained weight over these last 10 years when I was told to lose weight or lose sight. I've had numerous family and friends try to help me lose the weight only for me to turn my back on them. I walk in a place and the immediate eyes tell me that they don't approve of my size. My infatuation with food is crazy. I begin to eat because I'm hungry and then it starts to taste so good that I want to continue eating and then I get full and still want more because it taste good. Take today for instance I made some lasagna and after the first two servings I went back for one more...why? I have no answer for that. I said that I needed counseling maybe that will help me with my obsession with food and then I won't eat as much. I don't like my size but I have become comfy with it. Is it my way of having an excuse for why I am an outcast? I went to my gf's baby shower yesterday (9/11) and saw how everybody was greeted but I wasn't. I noticed that I was the biggest friend out of all, they came in all shapes and sizes and colors but me being the heaviest was the difference. I felt so unwelcomed. Even the ugly black bald girl didn't want to hold my hand how insulting is that? While in the line to eat; after I waited to make sure everybody else ate first, the brother held the line up talking and I was the one made fun of. Said "tasha said if you don't hurry up i'm trying to eat." I never even made that face or said those words. I was hurt like why is it me that has to say anything because I'm the biggest. I love comedy and I even make fun of myself being so big but damn. It's obvious to everyone my love for food. What do I do? I want to lose weight but don't have the encouragement to do so. I'm such a BS'r that it hinders most of the things I want to do. I procrastinate until the very last moment. I want to be healthier because I actually do want another child but I don't want to be this heavy and pregnant. I'm asking for answers and help but I won't listen because the food tells me a whole different story. I want ppl to accept me when I don't even accept myself. I will get it together someday just not sure when, but I know for a fact it has to be more sooner than later. I don't want to wind up with high blood pressure or diabetes to change, I'd rather do it on my own.