MyGrowth

The conversation last night...INTENSE...but shyt I needed to hear. Work on being a better me, take baby steps to doing the best for you. Stop making excuses and just do it.

Seems to be I'm a relationship type girl. Not too often am I not in a relationship of some type. Though it seems that I go from one to the next, there is some space in between I just usually have an option once I leave forreal. To me I've been in relationships most of my life. Since I was 10 there was one constant guy in and out, he died when i was 16. By 16 I had met my daughters father...we got serious by 17 I was with him for 8 years. By 25 I had met the next guy who was on and off...this was 9 years. Now at 34 I have a new one...except it's all the way new. She is the first that I've ever even cared to venture out with. I remember back when she first walked into the office with her lil crochet braids. She was younger than me so I just made a mental note of how cute and smart she was and kept it moving. Like oh she's cute and never thought twice, but then when she came back that next year...I was shocked and happy to see her back. We exchanged numbers,...

Friday night I left work in a bad mood, not even sure why. But I felt the need to go to the movies and so I did. Me and baby girl went to see "Get on Up," the James Brown movie. It was pretty good. Saturday I stuck to my plans of staying in and cleaning. More so we rearranged our rooms. but I felt extremely overcome with emotion so during the cleaning process I just couldn't keep it together. At some point I gave up and sat and watched a few Lifetime movies. I did get rid of stuff and then Sunday I had had enough of being in the house, so I texted the boo, asked if he wanted to go to Wal-Mart with us take advantage of that tax free weekend out VA. Had breakfast and then went shopping. Wanted to go to the park so babygirl could stretch her legs out and mine since I had been in the house all Saturday. But he wanted to go home, that truly set me off. Wanted to go to the park still but realized mama needed to do her hair, so that's what i did before I went to ...

What is this bug that has come over me called Jealousy? Everything about you is nothing that I hate or should be jealous of but I'm sickened by the very thought of you. The fact that you breathe in my space irritates the shyt out of me. But I'm not sure why. Did I expect to take your space and erase you? Did I expect you to lose and not have to see you? This bug has come over me strong and I'm not sure why? I've never been jealous of anyone before...ever! So exactly what is this? Maybe it's my failures and your strides that has me buggin, but why can't I just be happy for your successes and accept that I just ain't ready for that yet. I have something in me that needs to be repossessed and not by the Devil but by God's grace. I can't even begin to explain the envy and hurt that have come over me, but I refuse to let it get the best of me. So God in your son's name Jesus...I pray that you work over me and help me shake this green bug t...