MyGrowth

for helping me to find a place to have my voice heard. I will never forget you...

Is it because of my size that I am treated the way that I am? Seems like only evil ppl want to be around when you are heavy...yeah FAT! The men that I've encountered like to tell me how much they want to have sex with me and not subtlty, but blatant and disrespectful. I like to believe I forgive so much from the people who've harmed me in my past but then those second and third chances always come back to bite me in the ass. Getting on a plane alone for the first time in my life but thinking I had a friend to enjoy the experience with me I ended up alone in Vegas. Continue to befriend liars...Feel like I deserve what I get from these people...I am so weak minded that it takes me some time to figure out what this people are doing to me. It's only after these people aren't in my sight for me to have a clear thought process. Do I want to fit in with someone so bad that I'm willing to endure constant shame. Why do I amuse them? What is it about a kind heart that is...

I find myself just watching you grow so fast. I envy you. You have no idea the battle that your mommy is going thru yet you smile and tell me you love me every day. You like to hug me and hold me and play with me and talk to me and when you aren't with me you tell me you missed me. The unconditional love that I yearn for in a partner I have with my child. I stare at you never wanting you to go thru what I've gone thru in my life and trying to figure out how to change my life so that you won't have to endure the shyt I've had to. I love you for being my lil mini me, when i look at you I see me and know that your childhood is totally different from mine, but I've turned you into a couch potato. I've given you a love for the movies which you only want to share with me, you were mad when your dad made you go with your sister. I was shocked but I appreciate that. I love us just sitting together and watching a show up under one another those are the times I wi...

The Wrong Damn person...Its been 4 years since we met well almost 4 and i love the person he is when he thinks of me and wants to talk to me all day and we just enjoy each others company. I love spending time just snuggled in your arms. I love how when we are alone you want to gaze in my eyes. I love that I can be me around you and know that you won't judge me for being as silly as I am. I know that you love me for me and would do anything to keep me happy yet...you drink every day. not just to soothe yourself if that's what's needed but you drink to be drunk every day all damn day. i still don't know your child hood and what makes you the person that you are. I don't know any of your family. I have met your mom and dad but if they walked passed me on the street I wouldn't have the foggiest idea who they were. I left you alone for a year but you stuck around and for that I wanted to give you another chance yet when you think that you have me in your pocke...

Over time I've noticed women with sons put them in football ASAP, but i have yet to hear anyone say their son is in anything that has to do with academia. Nor for women. Everybody is doing dance, cheerleading or football. Nobody is talking about anything that has to do keeping their kids educated throughtout the year. What is really going on...I can't talk because I haven't put my daughter in any activity. Are there any education programs throughout the year for kids?

I log on hoping that of the 100+ ppl I chose to share my secrets with will have a conversation with me. Usually I'm talking to myself and nobody is speaking to me. Why do I even log onto FB? Mostly all are family and hell they didn't talk to me back then why would they talk to me now? Even the few associates that I do have don't even talk. Hell I haven't called my NJ girl in awhile and I was supposed to visit before the summer is over and hell the summer will be over very soon. All this wanting to be accepted by a group or just somebody is killing me inside. Seems like the ppl who want to be close are the ppl I don't want close at all. I'm all confused. What is the main interest for me logging onto FB? It's an addiction that I can rid myself of. I need to keep myself logged off the net for a good period of time because it's not helping my growth but yet hindering it.

every time I want to give him the go ahead to be my one and only he makes me realize why i don't want to. You are an asshole behind the wheel. you have such anger it's crazy. you mad at everything and then you press down on the pedal to prove what point. because if they brake then what. i was sitting in that car like this dude wants to get us killed. you wanting to argue and fight because they wont let you over, get over yourself moist boy. oh i was heated in that car. is it because it's Friday the 13th IDK. Is he trying to prove that he's gangsta? Cause that shyt was just stupid to me...

I never felt loved and was in my eyes the black sheep. M used to scrub me hoping that my skin would become lighter, I got the most beatings for trying to figure out who I was and find my space in this family. My father wasn't there he chose to leave me with his mom so he could live his single life, found a mixed chick I never liked but he married her so I had to adjust to her. Forced to live in VA with him and his new wife and her son, I still never had him to myself. I always had to share him. My mother I had to share with my new brothers and her drug habit, still all alone. I didn't know how to make friends but I tried to learn quick or I would've been a loner. My cousins father was disliked by the family so any adventures she went on with him I had to venture out on not because I wanted to but by force. So because of this I had to share my dad with her and his wife and her son. The saddest years of my life M brought me many snacks which lead to me feedin my depres...