God is Talking

Since the breakup i've found a way every day to tell her she's made a mistake, that it wasn't the right time for us not to be together. I wake up daily with her on my mind. my mind wanders and her face is the first thing i see. i find myself trying to pleasure myself and it feels wrong because i'm thinking of her. but i know that we are not gonna get intimate. i find myself still crying over the idea that we are no longer a couple, friends, but not a couple. i shared a lot of my firsts with her, i've grown in the last year with her. the pain of talking to an ex daily like you did when you were a couple knowing that she doesn't love you the way you still love her. Every day it hurts. every day i ask God to make me stronger. I try to hold onto faith that what is meant to be will be, she was guided to me this time why not wait for the future. then i get scared, what if she finds someone else, all while i'm waiting for her to come back to me. cause in reality i do not want to date anyone else, i don't want to have sex with no one else. what do you do? you look forward to the time you spend with this person, because she still makes time for me and my daughter. she's still the constant in my life, just not a plan to be my wife anymore. i stare in space and think of all the firsts we've shared, how i finally found the nerve to step up and be me in-spite of what everyone else would say. how my world was turned upside down the minute i decided to give into my heart and feelings. so many days i used to wish i could take it back because i didn't want to lose you as a friend. but each day i grew more and more in love with my best friend. now each day i pray for the strength not to care about you as much as i did the day before. i pray that we have space so that i can get over you. now i see that God is making it happen. every turn all i hear is i'm about to be so busy. i'll be so busy. i hear, i won't have time for you. she's already told me i'm not a priority right now. yet she finds the time to talk to me every day. am i in a daydream? have i truly lost touch with reality? why am i reaching out when there is no hand there to hold on to? Why am i still in love with you? for now i'll continue to listen to God, i know he has my back. ain't easy though.