friends

why am i really considering friending my bff girlfriend. why do i feel like this is important to me? why is my friendship with my bff so critical to me, the thought of not having her is heartbreaking? like i already know i'm in love with her but i don't want to be with her so why not be cool with whoever she's in the relationship with? why not find out who is taking my place? this place i'm in right now is very strange, hurtful and weird, but its my life. i don't know anyone who sits in these shoes who i could get some form of advice from. i waited patiently for two years to be with my bff, working on our friendship and she has a gf now. my heart is broken into shattered pieces but i still love her and i want her happy. i'm not threatened by this new person because i still have my friend, but why? I pray for this woman every day, she's in my thoughts and prayers on a daily. i talk to God about her every day. i just don't understand what the hell is happening in my life right now. why is THIS friendship so crucial to me. why do i want to be cool with her gf? God please her my cries, hear my prayers know that i'm seeking for your guidance right now. i am scared, i am hurt but i want to do whats right. heal my heart God, help me on this journey.

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