Lonliness - Self Love

So after years of self hate and putting my love for everyone else first. I finally am chosing me. This long road has not been easy and has caused lots of pain not only in my life but others that have been effected. I have not wrote anything in a long time and I guess it's by time that I start to get these things off my chest and onto something else. I'll highlight some things over time to get some insight, hoping I'll be able to make better decisions and be okay with being single and alone. Using this time time to become a better me. I am in a time of reflection and rebirth. I'll discuss my love life which sort of trumps a lot of things in my life because I've searched for a father's love for as long as I can remember. So I have dealt with the same man for the last 6 years, there was a year break but I have always gone back to him. We built nothing together other than the years we've dealt with each other. He never wanted to progress our relationship to the next level, said that he did, but never made through on that promise. I'm not getting younger and really wanted a family but this is something he was never willing to offer, no matter how much I tried to convince him he should. My child was always a problem which should've been a light bulb going off in my head, but I tried to have 2 separate lives which could never make a family. i fooled myself into thinking that I could keep him happy and make me happy without ever having what I truly want. I'll try to go episode by episode daily to release some of the hurt in my heart and heal my soul. Episode 1...stay tuned.

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